When we randomly meet someone, as part of social manners we greet each other and ask how are they doing? How is work? How is family? We ask about their accomplishments? About studies? Extra curriculars blah blah blah…
And if we are bored to death then we further drag the conversation through baseless compliments about looks, dress, smile, bag, watch, recently uploaded picture on social media…
We say and ask all of the above may be out of courtesy or because we are genuinely concerned and at times just for some gossip. Don’t you dare deny!!! We all love gossip.
But all this drastically changes once the person in question crosses flirty number THIRTY in terms of age of course.
Then the entire conversation revolves around just one thing.
- Hi! Long time. How are you? Married or still single?
- Hey nice DP. Where was this? By the way… when are you settling down?
- Nice Party yaaa!!! Where is your date? No way, you don’t have one?
- SUPP!!! what a pleasant surprise? We are meeting after 3 years. Are you seeing someone?
- Aww you are so smart, good looking, successful, genuine. How can you still be single yaaa?
- You did a commendable job at work this year. What are your future plans… marriage and all?
- OMG you used to be so dope in college. How can you not be in a relationship?
- Hey!!! Happy Birthday!!! Now you must settle down boss, your biological clock is ticking?
Hope you enjoyed a hearty laugh as you read the above questions which usually all the people of this age group face irrespective of their gender. It gets a little intolerable though. Since, human by nature is a social animal who is taught to be kind, interactive, cooperative; single adults just smile and let it all pass.
Irrespective of education, profession, age, religion, native land, we all are such imposters when it comes to points which I will be highlighting below. Majority of us may not accept it in public but we all are guilty of passing such unfitting comments within our close-knit friend circles.
- He/she is not getting married because they cannot handle responsibility.
- He/she is not getting married because they do not want to compromise.
- He/she is not married yet. Must be a Gay/ Lesbian.
- He/she is not getting married because he is impotent/ she cannot conceive.
- He/ she has multiple sexual partners and that is why no one wants to marry him/her.
- He/ she is so ugly with highly average income that they are not getting a match.
- He/ she considers himself/ herself too successful and has an attitude problem.
- He/ she looks so average but is damn choosy.
- How can someone be single for so long? Don’t they have feelings or desires?
- He/ she is not getting married at this age also. What is he/ she hiding from the world?
- In order to get married he must leave his passion of being a chef, hairdresser, makeup artist, fashion designer, stylist, influencer because these professions are too feminine in nature.
- She should not be so career oriented. As it is, she has to get married and be a homemaker one day.
- A man must do overtime at work. A Bachelor is not responsible for household work and later it will be his wife’s responsibility.
- Why should we promote a girl? She will get married and leave the job anyway. Work on her replacement already.
I am sure your smile must have disappeared by now and replaced with remorseful silence. Regretfully even I have passed such comments on others when I was immature. Simply because the elders in the family and the teachers in the school never discussed the significance of these topics.
So, what should we do about it now?
- To begin with, can we stop speculating about anyone’s sexual life or sexual preferences. It’s really none of our business. Right?
- Can we as individuals stop assuming 30something’s future plans, its impact and falsely dictating their career paths or influencing their life choices?
- Some people just do not want to get married right now. Period. Why build a controversy around it?
- Maybe some people are trying too hard to settle down but are not able to do so and by asking about it, you are hurting them.
- May be some people identify with LBGTQ community but because of your reckless, inquisitive, inhuman behavior they are hesitant or rather scared to come out and embrace their reality publicly.
Here is a quick example to help us maybe remotely relate with these people’s anguish and hopefully develop some emotional intelligence.
Do you all remember the Super Mario video game? Mario and Luigi?
We all were obsessed with this game and knew all the secrets of all the levels thoroughly.
Now imagine you are playing the 1st level of Mario series and someone walks in and starts commenting on your game; that you how missed a hidden secret bonus area (Pillar entry) or misleads you to the wrong mushroom saying no one knows about it and that there is a magic mushroom here which will give you 1 up & fire flower simultaneously. You do not appreciate the intervention but just to get rid of that person do it anyway against your will and get killed.
Picturize the wave of emotions you would experience at this point. Anger, Betrayal, Irritation, Disgust, Helplessness, Sadness?
We ourselves cannot tolerate anyone’s interference even in a silly video game. But are always ready to give expert advice and live commentary on others’ lives or life choices.
Funny, isn’t it?
Why do we do this in the first place?
For mere confirmation of our superiority and to massage our egos because we are delusional enough to think that we are in a better space? If not this; then it’s even worse if some of us are doing this to compare our life choices with others only to later indulge in self-pity, jealousy and negativity.
Passing comments or giving unwanted advice especially to all the single adults is deeply engraved in all of us as a society. Can we not try and fill those cavities with empathy and minding our own business?
So next time we feel the urge to throw-up some untoward remarks or unwelcomed counselling on some single adult let’s remind ourselves about the Super Mario game and that snoopy friend.
It will be an immense pleasure to learn about your valued viewpoint on this subject. Do share your thoughts in the comment section.